This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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