they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize