some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
