So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I AM VODKA MAN
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
