Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize