Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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