Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
