What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
