why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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