so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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