I can text with my tongue
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
