We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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