O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
