so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
