is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
