I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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