we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
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