What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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