stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
