yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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