Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize