Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
