I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
