Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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