Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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