Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize