I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
