to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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