did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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