im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
