I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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