Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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