Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
my sisters under your porch take her home
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
