i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
