If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I would ride that face into the sunset
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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