If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
