you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
