i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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