Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Randomize