I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
