8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
