I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
