I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
