ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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