i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
