I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
