She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
She swung at the pinata with crutches
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
