Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
