JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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