Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
