Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
