she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I got inside last night via doggy door
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
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