Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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