As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
she told me i tasted like america
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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