The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
