He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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