So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
