she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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