I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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