I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
