she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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