Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
