i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
