She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I wish there were birth control emojis
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize