If that was your dad, he is hot
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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