is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize