She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
