I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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