Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
