Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
