i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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