Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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