I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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