That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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